The Christmas Llama

Friends, amigos! Let the bells ring with the news. She has returned from her misty mountain outpost, to bring her gifts of love and cocaine. Sí, it is Ernesta, the Christmas Llama. Can you recall your first meeting with her? How fluffy she was in your bed? Let her sail into your dreams tonight, as she festoons your mind with succulent visions of sparkling journeys. Do not be afraid of her! Though she does bite, you may need to recall that redemption cannot occur without fountains of bloody feeling.

Ernesta is as old as time itself, born in the white hot gasses of a supernova, shooting through space for eons, before resting somewhere near Bariloche, Argentina. She saw the beauty of this world and knew it must be her own. Can you handle this kind of power? Please, try. She is listening.

This holiday she sits atop the tree, vigilant, waiting for the moment of apocalypse she will orchestrate. Then the real world will be born. And it will be a glorious biracial baby with café au lait skin and luxurious chestnut brown hair. Registry at Target.

Namaste.